Good-bye and Hello

In October of 2013, my good friend Cris who is a dog trainer was visiting from her new home in Dallas. She has been my friend for over 10 years and has helped me train our two dogs, Tess, a lab , 11 and Toby a golden retriever, 9 1/2. She observed something  we weren't seeing because we(my husband Frank and I) were with the dogs every day. She said to me, out of the blue, 'You should get a puppy.'  'A puppy??" I said. She explained that our dogs were older and not very active, except when we took them out to play or for a walk.She also observed that Frank and I, who are both retired spend are not as active either, even though we both exercise regularly. It is a known fact among dog lovers that larger breeds don't live much longer than 10-12 years. Cris knows me so well. She pointed out that when Toby goes, I will be pretty devastated. I trust Cris's intuition, especially when it comes to dogs. Toby seemed healthy at the time. But it felt like the right time to get a puppy.
So I started looking. I decided I wanted a puppy that would be ready to go home right after Christmas. And I wanted one of the lighter, cream colored goldens. I called a friend who has had golden retrievers all her life and she gave me the name of her breeder, Emerald Acres Goldens.  I called and sure enough she had pups that would be ready to go home right after Christmas. When I looked at her website, and saw the parents of the pups, I knew that this was where I would get my puppy. I put down a deposit.
In early November I went to Sacramento for a scheduled visit that would last until a few days after Thanksgiving. Frank stayed home with the dogs, planning to come up for our big family Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks.
Not long after I left, Toby showed signs of illness. Frank took him to the vet. She didn't find anything seriously wrong. One of his back legs was trembling and he was limping a bit on his front leg. Toby continued to go for walks with Frank. But he had slowed down, walking slowly beside him instead of joyously bounding around.
Frank was more and more troubled by Toby's symptoms and called frequently. I tried to help him from afar. But I wasn't much help. Finally Frank couldn't stand it and took Toby back to the vet and told her, 'Find out what is wrong with my dog!'. She did $500 worth of tests and called me with the bad news. Toby had a large cancerous tumor in his lung. The dreaded Golden Retriever curse had struck again.
Frank was wracked with uncertainty.  He just couldn't bring himself to put Toby down. And he shouldn't have to make such a decision without me. As Toby deteriorated, I decided to come home. I came back on Thanksgiving Day.  Toby seemed stable, but slow. The Vet had given us pain medicine that seemed to keep him comfortable. I spent Toby's last two days with him. He slept by my bed as he always did. He was loving and affectionate. He continued to walk up to my bed and put his big head on the bed to be loved and petted. He was such a magnificent animal, a big boy with deep golden fur and liquid brown eyes. He had been a therapy dog and was adored by all the children he worked with. He looked to me for his every need. On Sunday morning, I knew what he needed from me. My love for him overrode my desire to have him with me. I called the vet and told her it was time. Frank and I went down together. Frank stayed in the car with him while I signed him in. When they had a room ready, I went and got them. It was a busy morning at the vet's office. We found ourselves waiting for almost a half hour in the examining room. The staff had put a comfortable blanket on the floor  for Toby. I sat on the floor with him, put my arms around him and buried my face in his soft fur. His breathing was labored. And he was restless. He tried to lay his head on my lap. But he just couldn't get comfortable. I often think about that last half hour with Toby. Im glad it worked out that way. It confirmed our decision to say good bye. And it gave me one more half hour to love on my big boy.

When we walked back into the house, there was an emptiness there. Our faithful little Tess, helped ease the pain. And it was very painful. Some people who loose a beloved pet, decide to never again put themselves through the pain again. But Im willing to pay the price, for the 10 years of joy I get from my dogs. So, as I grieved over Toby, in the back of my mind was a newborn puppy wiggling towards his mother, with potential beyond my imagination. I knew he was there, and I was comforted.

In December 27, we stopped at the breeders which was about half way from Sacramento and picked up Bailey.